On Love, Marriage, and Humility

A few days ago, the Supreme Court made a groundbreaking, widely publicized decision regarding marriage rights.

Now before I go any farther, I want to preface this discussion with a disclaimer: I am a person, a citizen of the US, and a believer in Christ. As such, I am entitled to my opinions and beliefs. You are also a person, and you are also entitled to your opinions and beliefs. Knowing that this issue is very controversial, I am requesting mutual respect in regards to everyone’s opinions and beliefs. I’m not trying to bait anyone or offend anyone, and if you want to debate the issue or unfriend me after hearing my opinions and beliefs, then that is your right to do so. However, in any discussions or debates, please stay respectful of others’ opinions and beliefs.

So back to gay marriage. Or, I should say, to marriage. 

Let me tell you a story… A story of how my marriage taught me to support marriage rights for everyone.

My husband and I lived together before we were married. According to many people’s understanding of the Bible, this is immoral, which led a lot of well-meaning people to tell us that we were in sin. However, based on our understanding of the Scriptures and our personal relationships with our God, we did not believe that we were doing anything wrong – and, for the record, still don’t. I have posted before about letting everyone’s personal relationship with God be personal, and about how our God is more than capable of communicating with His children about what He wants of them. But I digress. 

This belief, held by several well-meaning friends and family members, led them to object to our marriage. I remember being completely shocked and dumbfounded to hear from family members that they thought that we should not get married simply because they believed that we had been doing wrong. Regardless of our own beliefs, and our own personal relationship with God, we were told that we should not publicly and legally vow to love each other and stay true to each other – just because someone else did not agree with our relationship and the way we live our lives.

And that’s when it finally hit me. I finally understood what many of our gay, lesbian, etc. brothers and sisters have experienced. I finally understood what it is like to love someone with all your heart and to want nothing more than to publicly promise your love and faithfulness to that person – and be told that because someone else disagrees with your choices in life or your relationship with that person, therefore you cannot marry them. I finally got it.

I used to be a very judgmental person. I was raised in a belief system that leaves very little room for differences of opinion – and, by extension, very little room for the Holy Spirit. If we truly believe that God is who He says He is, that He is capable of maintaining a personal, intimate relationship with each of His children, then who are we to judge another person’s decisions made in the context of their relationship with God? 

Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. Romans 14:4

Let each person answer to their own master. If you disagree with their lives, their choices, who they love, who they wish to marry, how they raise their families, where they live, or any other aspect of their life that they live as a servant of the living God, step down off that pedestal and remember that you too are a servant. Just as a master can give each of his servants different orders, God can handle His servants and the lives they live. Answer to your own master and let every other servant answer to their own master.

So whether or not you believe that it should be okay for people of the same sex to marry each other, please acknowledge that their lives and choices are between them and God. They are not bound to live by your convictions, beliefs, or opinions any more than you are bound to live by theirs. 

As for me, I think weddings are beautiful, especially between two people who love each other more than life itself and are willing to pledge the rest of their lives to loving each other unconditionally and facing all of life’s challenges together. Whether those two people are of the same or different genders, same or different races, same or different religions/denominations/beliefs, same or different ages, same or different social classes – why does that matter? The world can be a dark and ugly place, but when you face it with the person who stays by your side and never leaves you to face it alone, it can be a beautiful adventure. That’s what marriage should be about, not senseless squabbles and hurt feelings over other people’s choices and the way they live their lives. 

Celebrate with the joyful. Empathize with the grieving. Do everything in kindness and respect for one another. 

He has told you, O man, what is good—
    and what does the Lord require of you,
but to do justice and to love kindness,
    and to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8

Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:36-40

It’s really that simple.

A beautiful memory from our wedding

"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed. It is so ordered." – Justice Kennedy

Hiking Photos

After that last post, I decided to share some photos of the scenery from our last few camping trips. We especially enjoy walking and hiking, and enjoying the natural environment. Here are some of our favorites!

I love the vibrancy of spring leaves

The trail less traveled

We stumbled across this cabin in the woods

The beauty of a fern springing from the dead leaves

These delicate lavender flowers stole my attention

I can't help treasuring them

Daisies pushing their cheerful heads to the sky

A shower of white blossoms light up the trees

A pretty little green snake just chilling in the path

The grandeur of the tall trees reaching for the skies

The sun peeking through the leaves

A fire lookout tower with about 120 steps

The view from the tower looking over the trees

The trees reaching for the wide open sky

The unbelievably beautiful open sky

I took the trail less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. -Robert Frost

Camping

Building a campfire

My wonderful honey and I rarely get time off together, but when we do, camping is one of our favorite activities. Especially considering that, when we first started out together, we lived in a tent for about 2 months (it's a long story), camping has always been one of our favorite activities.

Setting up the tent while
#3 supervises

It started with tent camping. We have this lovely tent, about the size of our apartment living room - big enough to fit a queen size air mattress in one half and still have plenty of room for everything else. It's relatively easy to put up, and goes up in a few minutes with teamwork.

#3 likes camping as long as she gets to run around and enjoy the scenery. She doesn't have the endurance for long hikes but she enjoys walks in the woods. However, she hates being left alone. We tried to leave her alone in the tent once - she tore a hole through the screening over a window opening.

#3 enjoying camping

We used to use a smaller tent to store food and essentials, but had to learn the hard way to keep them out of reach of animals when a raccoon chewed a hole in the tent to get to our food. Now we use hard-sided coolers and boxes to store food away from any nibbling guests! We try to get spaces close to water sources and, when possible, electrical sources, but we don't mind roughing it now and then.

The main problem with tents, however (besides the ability for uninvited woodland critters to get in and #3's ability to get out), is the susceptibility to the elements. Tents are cold at night and tend to get uncomfortably hot in the daytime. Once we woke up in the middle of a storm to find that the tent had fallen on top of us while we were sleeping! Tents also give you no privacy from loud neighbors at the campground, and when people around us are causing noise and ruckus, we don't get much sleep.

Grilling under the awning

With all this in mind, after much consideration, my sweet hubby and I decided to get a travel trailer! It's a big investment, and it's actually the first home we've owned together. It's hard-sided, providing protection from the temperature, wind, storms, and loud noises. The trailer has air conditioning and heat, so it is comfortable in any weather; it has a bed, an eating area, a tiny bathroom and a full kitchenette, making camping so much easier than anything a tent can provide. We can choose to cook over the campfire or use a small stove, oven, or microwave. We can leave #3 in it safely when we need to go into town, too.

Enjoying the camper

For us, the point of camping is relaxation, a time to get from everything and just enjoy spending time together. There's nothing like brats and smores cooked on the campfire, sitting with the one you love, listening to the noises of the woods, with no rush and no place to be. We may still camp in tents sometimes just for the fun of it, but the trailer makes it so much easier that we have that much more time for relaxing and simply enjoying the time away.

It's the value of these times together that make life sweeter. Isn't that what a vacation should be?

I Am a Soldier

I have been an Army National Guard soldier for over 2 years now. I wanted to join the military since I was a kid, and I love being a soldier. But at the same time, I have learned that the military is not what I thought it was.

Forbes.com lists enlisted military personnel as number 1 on their list of the most stressful jobs in 2014. Even for us part time soldiers, whether National Guard or Reserve, military duty comes with its own unique stresses and issues. Poor leadership, lack of organization, and inadequate equipment and funding are some of our biggest problems. But on top of everything else, being a female soldier adds a whole new stress set.

Males in the military have it easier in many respects. The majority of NCOs are male, which means that whenever males and females are segregated (in barracks, for instance) the males have better access to information being put out by the leadership. Male soldiers are expected to meet standards, but females are often assumed to be the weak links and have to work harder to prove that we are just as capable as our male counterparts. Most of our gear is sized to the average male frame, which means that our uniforms never quite fit right and our equipment is usually somewhat uncomfortable.

Fitting in is extremely difficult. There's a choice to be made: to be "one of the guys" usually involves swearing, rude jokes, and bragging about consuming copious amounts of alcohol. On the other hand, to refrain from these habits marks you as different, which usually results in being less liked and less included. As a female, you want your battle buddies to know that you have their backs - but if gaining their trust requires changing who you are, is it worth it?

Even outside the military life, female soldiers have a harder time adjusting. Males in the military have an elevated status in civilian life as well, as they are perceived to be more masculine due to their military service. Female soldiers, however, often have a very difficult time blending into civilian life as our training and experiences cause us to be different from most women.

I am proud to be a soldier, and I am proud to be a female soldier. So much of who I am today has been shaped by my journey as a service member, and I can't help but feel proud of the uniform I wear and the great tradition that has been passed down to us. Yet I can't help but wonder - if those who went before us could see what the military has become, would they be proud of the way that we carry on their legacy? So much has changed, and so much has yet to change, and perhaps some things have changed too much. At any rate, I'm proud to be a soldier.

Last Sunday I participated in the military salute during the opening ceremonies of the Indianapolis 500. There were service members from all branches of the military mixed in and marching together. When we marched out on the track, we were given a standing ovation. We came to a halt in front of the grandstand and stood at attention until the color guard presented the colors. We presented arms and held the salute through God Bless America and the Star-Spangled Banner, two jets flew over the track, the crowd cheered, and we marched off the track. And my heart swelled with pride in our beautiful country and everything that the uniform represents.

Every soldier, sailor, Marine, and airman who has worn the uniform has given a piece of themselves to this life that we live. Every man and woman who has put the uniform on, knowing it could be their last time, has taken a stand for our future and our children's future. And every hero who has given the ultimate sacrifice has paid the price of the freedoms we hold dear.

Some things in life are worth the cost of sacrifice. To be a soldier, to carry on this tradition, to fill the boots of those that have gone before me - that is worth the inconveniences of military life. It is worth the pain, the blisters, the sunburns, the torn tendons in my left knee, the tears, the terrible food, the times I've been yelled at when it wasn't my fault, the missed weekends, the time away from my family, the social awkwardness, the low pay, the lack of sleep, the sweat, the blood...what are they really? Small sacrifices compared to those who have given everything. Small sacrifices.

I am a soldier. I am a female soldier. And I am proud.

Memorial Day

I am proud to be a soldier. I am proud to serve this country, proud to wear the uniform, proud to be a part of a beautiful tradition of courage and honor. But today is not about me, nor about any other living veteran; we have our own day, Veterans Day, and it is not this day.

This day is Memorial Day. This day is set aside to remember those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice, who have died in service to their country. This day is for valuing the freedoms we have as Americans and paying tribute to those who gave their lives to preserve those freedoms.

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, photo not mine

“A veteran is someone who, at one point in their life wrote a blank check made payable to “The United States of America,” for an amount up to and including their life.”   — Unknown

IN FLANDERS FIELDS

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

-Lt Col John McCrae, 1915

Wreaths

First off, I have a blessing to share: I got a promotion! I'm now an admin! There's still stress, I'm still on my feet all day, etc, but I'm actually enjoying this job. And for once, I'm starting to think perhaps I could make a career out of this line of work. We shall see where it goes, but for now I'm enjoying organizing paperwork, delegating to coaches, and assisting the management. I'm very blessed!

In the meantime, I spent a little while today shopping for annual training, and tonight I will be spending a good deal of time packing for said annual training. It is, in fact, that time of year. And in all fairness, it's my first AT - last year I had orders as support for a big training event, so this is my first time going to AT. So should be an interesting experience. I'm hoping for some good training, plenty of shooting time, and hopefully a promotion. :)

On a different note, I got crafty recently and decided our front door, which has been bare since after Christmas, needed a new wreath! While I was at it, I made both a spring wreath and a summer wreath.

I'm not entirely happy with the spring wreath yet. I'm thinking that perhaps in the future I might wrap some leaves around the bare part of the wreath, but for the time being, it hangs cheerfully on our door just as it is.

Before: a grapevine wreath, a nice bunch of silk flowers, and a wooden letter. I painted the letter yellow and decided where to place the flowers.

A little hot glue on the flower stems to make sure that they stayed in place, and glued twist ties on the back of the letter D, and here's the finished product:

For the summer wreath, I began with a slightly smaller grapevine wreath, a set of red, white, and blue flowers, and another letter.

Again, I painted the letter and glued twist ties on the back, and glued the flower stems in place. It turned out pretty great too!

Overall, I'm pretty happy with the wreaths! The spring wreath currently hangs on our door and certainly brightens up our entryway, and has inspired some of our neighbors to also hang wreaths. Happy spring to everyone!

Our Wedding Story

People often ask me, "How's married life?"

My usual answer, "It's wonderful! I highly recommend it. You should try it sometime!"

November 15, 2014

Seriously though, married life truly is wonderful. I can't begin to tell you what a blessing it is to be married to my best friend, to laugh and cry and explore life with, to love and be loved by an amazing man who so completely holds my heart and with whom I fall more in love every day.

As long as we're being mushy, how about a story? Because who doesn't enjoy reading a good wedding story - and besides, I want to make sure all the details are recorded and never forgotten!

The altar

Decorations

It all begin when I was told I was about to be deployed, and we decided to get married a lot earlier than we had planned. At first we decided to simply get married by a justice of the peace with a nice ceremony later down the road, but when we went to get our marriage license, we discovered that our county no longer performs courthouse weddings! This led to a serious discussion, and about an hour later I called one of my best friends and, right out of the blue, asked, "Will you be my maid of honor and help me plan our wedding in 3 weeks?" Kait didn't even hesitate! We began planning that afternoon, over the phone (since she lives 2.5 hours away), and I also called my parents to let them know of our change of plans.

Kait and her mom Linda were fantastic - not only did they agree to let us use their spacious basement as a venue, but they even decorated for us! It turned out beautifully, with sunflowers and fall colors as the theme and a silky runner for an aisle between rows of chairs. My mom came early, so she and I drove to Kait's house the night before the wedding. We rushed around to get last minute details taken care of, and then the big day was here.

Final details

I woke up in the morning to a very nice quiche made by Linda, and almost immediately began getting ready. Another dear friend, Cristin, was kind enough to not only bring her keyboard and perform the music for our wedding, but she also came early and did my hair.

Guests began arriving, as did my fiance. I wasn't in my dress yet, so I gave him a quick kiss, introduced him to my dad, and then I was back to preparing. With makeup and hair done, my mom cleared the living room area so I could slip downstairs unseen and sneak into the basement to finish getting ready in a small closeted area.

Both sets of parents

Remember "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue"? It was one of the few traditions I intended to follow (along with not letting the groom see the dress!). Something old was a hanky belonging to my great-grandmother, which I carried in my hand to help with sweaty palms. Something new was the pearl necklace and earrings I made to wear with my dress. Something borrowed was my mother's garter, and something blue was nail polish on my toes!

About a week before the ceremony, I had been in a slight panic because I had everything scheduled except for the officiant. Thankfully we were blessed to find an officiant available for the day at New Chapter Weddings, and they were even willing to work with us on the wording and itinerary of the ceremony. In fact, Don and I picked out and modified all the wording, from the greeting and opening prayer to the vows to the blessing at the end - it was all just the way we wanted it. Clark was very professional and really helped make our ceremony exactly what we were hoping for.

Maid of honor and best man

Anyway, back to me hiding in the closet... I was finally completely ready, just waiting on everyone else, and pacing from nerves. I got to say hi to a few family members and have a few photos taken, then I stayed in the closet while all our guests came downstairs and filled in the seats and Cristin played music we had picked out. Most of the guests were family members, with a few good friends included. Don's best man, Joe, was a coworker and very good friend of both of us; we had gone shopping with him the week before and picked out a nice shirt, tie, and slacks for the occasion. When everyone was in place, Joe and Kait came to the head of the runner/aisle. Cristin played as they walked to the front of the room, then it was time for me and my dad.

Dad and I

Daddy, bless his heart, didn't know it was supposed to be a slow walk down the aisle! We were at the end of the aisle before Cristin even began playing, and we stayed there until she finished "All of Me" by John Legend (which has always been our song). Then Dad sat down, Don and I held hands at the front, and the ceremony began, with a coworker's wife doing our photography and my adopted grandfather running a video camera.

It wasn't a very long ceremony, but most of it is kind of blurry in my mind. I remember holding hands and gazing lovingly into Don's eyes...and communicating simply with eyebrow movements and tiny facial expressions - we knew what each other was thinking well enough to understand! My mom and Don's dad each read Bible passages - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. We pledged ourselves to each other, repeated the vows, and exchanged our rings (Don tried to put my ring on my middle finger, but I tried to put his ring on the wrong hand! We got it all sorted out).

Next we did a sand ceremony. The symbolism behind the sand ceremony is beautiful - two colors of sand mixing together, each staying itself but becoming part of the other, never again to be separated.

Then there was the blessing, the kiss (whoo-wee!!), and the pronouncement, and it was over! We walked back down the aisle to the closet, with Joe and Kait behind us, then went upstairs to form a receiving line and greet our guests. Needless to say, it was very emotional!

We finished having our official photos taken before the photographer left - and #3 managed to be in most of them - we didn't even tell her, she just sat perfectly in each shot. We then mingled with our guests, talking and snacking on meatballs, chicken nuggets, chips and salsa, etc. (again, thanks to Kait and Linda!). My dad had to leave pretty quickly, but it was nice to see both sets of parents and several other out-of-town and even out-of-state family members.


We had chocolate cupcakes with small autumn leaves set out for everyone, and a special triple-chocolate cake for us. The cake topper was a small wedding couple figurine from the ceramic Christmas Village line; our intention is to build a village, one piece per year, and every year the wedding couple will be part of our holiday traditions. How many people know where their cake topper is today? It will be a fun tradition to keep through the years. When the time came to cut the cake, we worked together to hold a bright orange knife and cut a slice of cake. As relatives told us to cut the slice in half, I cut it exactly in half lengthwise - my mom finds this extremely amusing. Anyway, Don very gently fed me a piece of cake, and I kindly fed him a piece back, though deliberately smearing chocolate on his cheek!

Two families become one

As guests left to travel home, I finally changed into more comfortable clothes and helped with cleaning everything up. We got our things loaded into our vehicles, leaving my truck with my mom (who would stay overnight and drive it to our house the next day), and piling into Don's truck. Phil and Cristin both forgot items at Kait's house and we had to meet them down the road, then Don and #3 and I were off to our honeymoon.

We had a night booked at a nice hotel about halfway between Kait's house and our home, the main attraction to the hotel room being the two-person whirlpool tub, perfect for relaxing after a few hectic weeks of planning. Though it was stressful at times, with the invaluable help of family and friends we managed to pull off our wedding in 3 weeks. We are very unique people, and our wedding reflected both the traditions of our past and our future goals. I'm so glad we did it, and thankful for all the memories!

I'd love to hear about your wedding memories - or future goals. And may you be as blessed in love as my wonderful sweetheart and me!