A few days ago, the Supreme Court made a groundbreaking, widely publicized decision regarding marriage rights.
Now before I go any farther, I want to preface this
discussion with a disclaimer: I am a person, a citizen of the US, and a
believer in Christ. As such, I am entitled to my opinions and beliefs. You are
also a person, and you are also entitled to your opinions and beliefs. Knowing
that this issue is very controversial, I am requesting mutual respect in
regards to everyone’s opinions and beliefs. I’m not trying to bait anyone or
offend anyone, and if you want to debate the issue or unfriend me after hearing
my opinions and beliefs, then that is your right to do so. However, in any
discussions or debates, please stay respectful of others’ opinions and beliefs.
So back to gay marriage. Or, I should say, to marriage.
Let me tell you a story… A story of how my marriage taught
me to support marriage rights for everyone.
My husband and I lived together before we were married.
According to many people’s understanding of the Bible, this is immoral, which
led a lot of well-meaning people to tell us that we were in sin. However, based
on our understanding of the Scriptures and our personal relationships with our
God, we did not believe that we were doing anything wrong – and, for the
record, still don’t. I have posted before about letting everyone’s personal
relationship with God be personal, and about how our God is more than capable of
communicating with His children about what He wants of them. But I digress.
This belief, held by several well-meaning friends and family
members, led them to object to our marriage. I remember being completely
shocked and dumbfounded to hear from family members that they thought that we
should not get married simply because they believed that we had been doing
wrong. Regardless of our own beliefs, and our own personal relationship with
God, we were told that we should not publicly and legally vow to love each
other and stay true to each other – just because someone else did not agree
with our relationship and the way we live our lives.
And that’s when it finally hit me. I finally understood what
many of our gay, lesbian, etc. brothers and sisters have experienced. I finally
understood what it is like to love someone with all your heart and to want
nothing more than to publicly promise your love and faithfulness to that person
– and be told that because someone else disagrees with your choices in life or
your relationship with that person, therefore you cannot marry them. I finally
got it.
I used to be a very judgmental person. I was raised in a
belief system that leaves very little room for differences of opinion – and, by
extension, very little room for the Holy Spirit. If we truly believe that God
is who He says He is, that He is capable of maintaining a personal, intimate
relationship with each of His children, then who are we to judge another person’s
decisions made in the context of their relationship with God?
Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. Romans 14:4
Let each person answer to their own master. If you disagree
with their lives, their choices, who they love, who they wish to marry, how they raise their
families, where they live, or any other aspect of their life that they live as
a servant of the living God, step down off that pedestal and remember that you
too are a servant. Just as a master can give each of his servants different
orders, God can handle His servants and the lives they live. Answer to your own
master and let every other servant answer to their own master.
So whether or not you believe that it should be okay for
people of the same sex to marry each other, please acknowledge that their lives
and choices are between them and God. They are not bound to live by your
convictions, beliefs, or opinions any more than you are bound to live by
theirs.
As for me, I think weddings are beautiful, especially
between two people who love each other more than life itself and are willing to
pledge the rest of their lives to loving each other unconditionally and facing
all of life’s challenges together. Whether those two people are of the same or
different genders, same or different races, same or different religions/denominations/beliefs,
same or different ages, same or different social classes – why does that
matter? The world can be a dark and ugly place, but when you face it with the
person who stays by your side and never leaves you to face it alone, it can be
a beautiful adventure. That’s what marriage should be about, not senseless
squabbles and hurt feelings over other people’s choices and the way they live
their lives.
Celebrate with the joyful. Empathize with the grieving. Do
everything in kindness and respect for one another.
He has told you, O man, what is good—
and what does the Lord require of you,
but to do justice and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?Micah 6:8
Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:36-40
It’s really that simple.
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| A beautiful memory from our wedding |
You bring up valid points on how at the end of the day how you lived your life is between you and God. We will all answer to God at the final judgement and should not judge others. That is between them and God. I DO believe the bible is absolute truth, the word of God as how we are to live our lives, what is right and what is wrong. I cannot support what God very clearly says is wickedness. Homosexuality and other such life styles are against God. I have a hard time understanding how we Christians could support a gay relationship. The issue for me is not "marriage". You cannot legislate morality. But as a follower of Christ I am set apart and am to reach out and be a witness to the lost. Supporting a lesbian in her lesbianism will not bring her to salvation!!!! That ultimately is what we are here for! To love others as we love ourselves and the best way to show love is to point them to Jesus and the way of eternal life!
ReplyDeleteThat is why it matters! A gay couple may have a beautiful marriage and a happy life BUT THEY WILL SPEND ETERNITY IN HELL!!!
They are not bound by my convictions or beliefs but GOD's.
This is the first I've spoken on the internet about this topic because, well, because I don't like to argue about it. Because to me it is not at all about the ruling. It really doesn't change a thing. Marriage as you describe it is a commitment to each and public vow. You can do that without a "legal" marriage.
But, you are my little blogging sister and I care about you and I just hope that you don't through all black and whites out the door.
I'm curious to know why you chose to live together before a wedding. Did you feel like it was already committed to God? The wedding just made it official? I really am wondering. Not in a bad way! Really, I would really just like to know your reasoning. ;)
Hope your night is great and that you don't hate me now for throwing my 2 cents worth in.. :)
Love ya!
Hi Kate! As always, it’s great to hear from you. Thanks for your input. :)
ReplyDeleteI’d like to address a few of your questions/concerns, if I may. Having been raised in an extremely conservative background, I spent many years simply repeating what I had been told. In recent years, however, I have come to realize that the God is so much more, and the Christian life is intended to be so much more, than what we were always told. So much of what I thought was truth simply because it had been pounded into my head really wasn’t truth at all but man-made ideas. So in the last few years, it has been a slow, jerky, sometimes painful, growing experience as I have had to let go of so much of what I thought was real. Learning to look for myself at what God really said, in what context, to what people, and in what time frame, and therefore how it applies to our lives today, has opened my eyes to so much.
All that being said, I understand where you are coming from. However, I would like to lovingly suggest, as one sister to another, that there is much in the Scriptures that has been twisted by many people, past and present, to fit their own agendas, ideas, or traditions, and can stand to be re-evaluated. As Paul commended the Bereans for searching the Bible themselves instead of taking his word for it, so should we be evaluating what we have heard by the Word instead of viewing the Word through the things that we have heard.
As far as homosexuality goes, I highly recommend this list of articles and resources dealing with the topic of whether the Bible teaches against homosexuality or not: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/freedhearts/resources/ In fact, I highly recommend this blog by the mom of a childhood friend of mine, Susan Cottrell: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/freedhearts/ She does a much better job than I of discussing this hot topic in a loving manner. If, after reading these articles, searching the Good Book, and prayerfully considering the issue with an open heart, you still feel that gay or lesbian relationships are sinful, then that is between you and God and I am not here to say otherwise. All I ask is an open heart to whatever the Lord may be trying to show you, and I will leave anything else up to Him.
On the other question, that of why we lived together before having a formal ceremony, the simplest and most honest answer was that we couldn’t afford not to! We had been coworkers and best friends for some time, and then we both went through difficult and life-changing situations. Coming out of that, the first month that we were together, we lived in a tent on a campground because we were literally homeless. Neither of us had the money to live on our own at the time, and the emotional support of having each other while healing from those situations was invaluable. As we can find nothing in the Bible that dictates a marriage ceremony to be necessary for the relationship to be recognized as a marriage in God’s eyes, we concluded that weddings are a legal, man-made convention. Yes, weddings are meaningful as they are a public vow before God, which we take very seriously – but we had already privately made those vows to each other before God, which we also take very seriously. I’m glad we got married, mostly because it is legally and publically recognized as a commitment, and because all little girls dream of their weddings since childhood, right? Haha! Seriously though, we are glad that we got married but it means no more or less than the promises we make to each other, on a continuous basis, by the things we do and the words we say, to be there for each other, be faithful to each other, love each other, listen to each other, and never leave each other.
I realize that both of these topics are highly debatable in the Christian community, and I usually don’t say much about either one just to avoid arguments. However, “speaking the truth in love,” I appreciate your interest and input and would like to keep a respectful, loving discussion open on anything that you would like to talk about. :)